Life Around The Corner

Choosing Life and Operating Happiness

Excuse Me.

I am rambling through a dark space
That is my mind.
I feel so unworthy.
I never see the good things I do.
I don’t pat myself on the back.
I don’t cheer myself up.
Nothing I do is ever enough,
I am never enough
For myself.
I can always do better.
Instead of using that as encouragement
I use it as judgment.
I am tired and weary.
I have had enough of these feelings,
In my world where nothing
Is ever enough.
I am chained by reality
And the paralyzing
Self abuse.
All my achievements
Are blown in the wind
Like the white tufts
Of a Groundsel
In autumn.
A fog screen
Is blinding me from sight
Of my everyday
I want to feel pink and yellow
And I feel gray.
I want to feel joyous, in bloom
And I don’t know how.
I forget the good
And remember the pain.
It was carved in me with
A blunt bladed knife.
All I do feels insufficient.
Looking from the outside
I do much, I achieve much.
All is invisible
Through my scrutinizing eyes.
I don’t know how to change,
I try everyday.
It’s like I don’t understand,
The work will only be done
When I am dead.
Every day is a full cycle
Of achievements.
Life in its entirety
Is not an achievement,
It is just life.
Who I am is a sum of actions,
Spreading love.
I do that. I feel it is not enough.
I try to do it more.
I understand so many things,
And still my work feels
Like it doesn’t mean a thing.
I take my love and tenderness
And relentlessly smash them
With a big, steel hammer
Without shame or mercy.
I do it in a dark room with
One window,
Gray walls,
Completely empty.
I am a man
In a black, leather mask
And I tear myself down.
A woman
Would never
Do this.

22 responses to “Excuse Me.”

Leave a Reply

  1. bloglifenstuff40b7eba1f1 Avatar

    Just so you know, you’re very successful at this. And you shouldn’t doubt yourself. Though I completely understand.

    1. Tut Yashar Avatar

      Thank you so much, like I wrote you it’s the agony of art or the artists. I work on it all the time, learning to accept myself and it’s an ongoing journey for all of us 🙏🏼

      1. bloglifenstuff40b7eba1f1 Avatar

        Hug! Just know you’re good at what you do!

      2. Tut Yashar Avatar

        Thank you John! You’re good at what you do too. Have faith and perseverance 😊

      3. bloglifenstuff40b7eba1f1 Avatar

        You’re very welcome!

  2. thereluctantpoet Avatar

    It hurt my soul to read your post, My Dear! Knowing that your mind is an authoritarian perfectionist that keeps hurting your heart and soul!! No one is perfect. We all make mistakes and have flaws. If mercy and forgiveness is offered to us from above we should accept the love and live in that blessing and gift that is given to us. Live in the joy of knowing You are enough just as you are!!!! 😍😘💕🌹 Learn to love yourself and be happy!
    here is a great video on happiness that I love and has helped me – lock up my inner perfectionist!!

    1. Tut Yashar Avatar

      Thank you so much for taking the time to write this to me, I really appreciate it!! I will watch now. Gratitude is very much in me, somehow for all but myself. So I definitely have a lot to progress and learn. Thank you again!! Have a beautiful day 💕🙏🏼😊

    1. Tut Yashar Avatar

      Thank you for sharing 😊🙏🏼

  3. yourplateormine967244485 Avatar

    You are are enough and so much more!! 💝✨🤗

    1. Tut Yashar Avatar

      Thank you so much for saying this! I needed to hear it 💗💗💗

      1. yourplateormine967244485 Avatar

        You are so welcome!

  4. yourplateormine967244485 Avatar

    Yes, I am snapping my fingers! 👏 Yes, and yes!!

  5. KK Avatar

    A touching poem!

    1. Tut Yashar Avatar

      Thank you 🙏🏼🙏🏼

  6. Lamittan Minsah Avatar

    Oh, quite poignant, Tut. Cheer up, my friend, be happy for yourself dear. Hugs and love 🤗 ❤ 🤗

    1. Tut Yashar Avatar

      Thank you, my friend. I try to release ❤️😁

      1. Lamittan Minsah Avatar

        Yes, and that releasing’s important too. 👏 This is commendable. ❤

      2. Tut Yashar Avatar

        Thank you 🙏🏼❤️❤️💗

      3. Lamittan Minsah Avatar

        Most welcome ❤

  7. Shem Ian Avatar

    Beautiful write up

    1. Tut Yashar Avatar

      Thank you so much 🙏🏼

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