I always preferred to be myself and nobody else, even when bad things happen.
I never asked why I was born the way I did, I thanked God for it.
I have been blessed with the ability to completely and fully feel things, therefore pain has also been a blessing because of the fullness of its experience.
When I ask God for help, “Please help me make the pain stop”, I never ask God why is the pain there?
I already know, any pain is lack of love.
Therefore Pain has nothing to do with God.
Pain is earthly.
When I was angry I stepped away from God.
I was angry at life.
Anger is shallow.
At some point I felt angry at God, but it wasn’t because I felt God did something to me
It was because God let me, be me.
God let me step away and I was angry because I thought God stepped away from me in return.
Then I realized God never steps away because God is everywhere and anywhere.
I realized that I don’t have to return anywhere because I never left:
How can I leave something that is everything?
The only absence felt is of my Self – Not being myself, is not being with God, is not being.
I am I, and for that I always thanked God.
I always felt blessed with my pains and tribulations because the alternative was to not be myself and that is a horrific notion.
I always pray to God to let me walk in the path meant for me. I don’t presume to know my way.
I have gained understanding that God is always love, I understand that I am always love.
I understand there is nothing new under the sun. I understand that means we are powerless and That, gives us endless power.
I understand the smarter a person is the more they suffer.
Because I am smart I understand that suffering is an interpretation not an essence.
I can live with everything and be grateful for the darkest of times because I am me and nobody else and that is the gift God gave Me.
I dread the thought of not being me, of not being able to love so freely and intensely.
I understand that the Earthly stains the Godly and that it’s something no one has control of.
I try to keep my Godly parts clean.
Most of my suffering is when I can’t.
I suffer from the external dripping inwards.
I weep for the stain in my pure texture and sometimes my cry is for the mere possibility it may be stained.
Then I say Thank You from the bottom of my heart for the Pure Texture itself.
No one asks God “Why Me?” when feeling blessed and maybe pondering this question could shed some light on the times we feel otherwise.
“Thank You God for letting me be part of the beauty you created.”
When I get hurt I ask God for forgiveness and guidance to feel light again.
I don’t ask God “Why Me?” because I thank God it IS Me.
WRITTEN: MAR 12, 2022