Life Around The Corner

Choosing Life and Operating Happiness

The Dark

There is no easy way to become a Gangster;
Real soldiers carry their PTSD.
It Hunts me to the point I can’t sleep,
It scarred my heart deep deep.
I feel dark.

I carry heavy weight no one knows about.
I have visions I collapse
Visions of bleeding and of violent death.
My head bleeds
My neck bleeds
It’s scary.
I want my baby to tell me it’s alright
But he left me
Because I’m me.

I cry too much
I’m sad too much.
I’m a Queen in a cave,
My light is hidden.
I miss my baby
But he left me
And he was never mine.
I was being desperate and blind.

I’m afraid I will die alone and no one will know.
I’m afraid I won’t see my family ever again.
I’m afraid I won’t see my baby ever again.
A broken heart
I have.
My dog is gone,
My baby is gone.

I weep.
My eyes hurt
My neck hurts
There is no taste
Only after taste.

I think I am sick
I am love sick
I am vision impaired
I need help
I am so fucking hurt.

How do I live in the world without faith?
I feed myself the worst thoughts, how I’m unlovable and unaccepted.
It sounds absurd, even to me,
But every time I dare believe different for the slightest second,
My heart breaks.

No one has mercy for the none believers
Not even God.
And since I have no faith,
How will I achieve anything?

There is something very wrong with me.
I think I am a good woman
But maybe I am just trash.
I do not think I should live anymore
I am starting to think I only came here to die
To have my family used to living without me
So I could die.

God does not give me children or love.
I want to give others and I don’t know how.
I want to be my baby’s woman but he feels nothing for me.
I know I’m being stubborn but how do I let it all be?

Why am I so lame?

I try to get up and I start crying.
The pain doesn’t go away,
I cannot live this way anymore.
Without family there is no life.

Real G’s manage living with the lack of love.
Every day is a battle, wanting to forget and remember at the same time,
PTSD fucks with the mind.

I’m a G.
I hide my pain so well
Inside I cry.
I sleep with one eye open
Ready to die.

WRITTEN: APR 29, 2021

25 responses to “The Dark”

  1. I imagine this was therapeutic… raw emotions with raw thoughts that scare others when they are revealed… this brutal type of honesty makes people uncomfortable… you surely have a gift…others may not confess, but you have given them a voice with this poem!

  2. I hope you have come out of this dark period and that writing this helped you to. I’m sorry you were feeling so bad, no one should be alone when they feel like that. Keep writing and reaching out, it always helps <3

    • Thank you so so much for saying this, it’s so nice and kind. I am not in that place anymore, I started this blog to help other people feel less alone, then I found myself feeling less alone. So only good things come from that situation. Thank you again ❤️🙏🏼

    • Thank you 🙏🏼 This is a few months old, I’m more in the spring period nowadays. G is short for Gangster. How some people are forced to live with certain things and it makes them a certain way. Have a wonderful day 😊

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