Life Around The Corner

Choosing Life and Operating Happiness

Everyone Knows I Am Sad

Everything is gone.
There is no love and no hope
And I am in a void
Between two worlds
Pretending
To exist.

My heart is weeping
My eyes are watering
They cry sometimes with no tears at all
It’s just a pain I get, a warm feeling around my eyes.

I’ve been caught feeling. Now everyone knows I’m sad.

I feel my heartbreak cannot be hidden
I feel like everyone can tell my business
That I am, a rejected woman
An unlovable woman
A woman who was dropped so quick
For loving too quick.
I feel shameful
I feel so hurt
I don’t want to live anymore.

All these years I worked so hard
To keep my heart safe
To maintain my energy.
And then I let people disrespect me again and again
I drop at their feet
I feel humiliated
I can’t sleep
And I weep.
And I say I’m sorry
And for what?

I wish I could jump off the window and die
It would be less painful
Than living so rejected
Like I’m so bad
So unworthy of love
One thing goes wrong and I’m being kicked out mercilessly
And I can’t take this pain and humiliation that I feel inside.

I never thought reality would be so painful to the point I want to die.
It seems this will be the only plan that would actually work. Stop living.
Because living is too much
I’m not alive
My soul is dead.
I feel exposed and ashamed for the person I am: A woman no one loves and no one wants.

I wish I could die.
I don’t want to be here on earth anymore.
I want to go home.

I can’t take this pain.
This one sided shit.
I wish I could die. I’m not living. My pain is too much.

WRITTEN: APR 28, 2021

17 responses to “Everyone Knows I Am Sad”

  1. You’re so brave for posting this. I felt like I was reading my own thoughts. Just things I’d never say out loud for all the reasons said and wow. I get it.

    • Thank you so much Amy, it makes me happy to hear you can relate, even though I’m not happy you can relate lol. I decided to be brave because I wanted people to feel less alone, this is why I started this blog. So when you can relate it makes me feel like we are together in this and I hope you feel the same 😊💗🙏🏼

      • That is THE reason I finally started mine. I started talking more on TT, Instagram & YouTube, so this year my sister was like ‘DO IT, YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO. Just do it’. I like that I can just keep it 100 here even if that’s ugly & not what people want to see, usually SOMEONE even if it’s just ONE person will notice it. To me a like or a comment even just a heart or something is acknowledging that you read/like saying ‘I see you, you matter.’

      • Yes that’s so true, and I’m glad you started writing and posting, I enjoy reading your posts. And you very much matter!! ❤️❤️

  2. Please don’t say that!!
    I wish you long life and happiness, You are not a rejected woman, you are not unlovable. You are special and keep that in the mind. I want you to be happy and I want you to smile again.

  3. This is beautifully written Tuti!

    Looking beyond its beauty, this also carries pain. Pain that might truly reside in you. But I do hope as you have bared this open, the pain has disappeared into thin air.

  4. Tuti, a long lost friend from many years ago… I stumbled on this somehow.
    It makes me sad to read this.
    Although we lost touch, you were a close friend and I always have a space in my heart for you.

    • Haggar, the world is small and it makes me emotional and happy to hear from you. I think about you over the years, you are in my heart always, as well. Maybe we’ll meet again one day my friend ❤️

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: